I majored in Communication Studies in college (the major that one chooses if one desires a journalism degree without choosing a specific medium to focus on). By the end of my four years, after being exposed to mutiple classes on communication theory, history and practice, I left University of Oregon with a deep disdain for the American media (and an above-average grasp of English grammar, thanks to Info Hell, the #1 most useful college class ever taught in the history of college classes). Media is a business, and the people reporting the "news" to the public do not care about anything but selling their paper/magazine/24-hour-news programs/website. They will exploit ANYONE in order to get "the scoop" and sell more advertising; if a story is not "sexy," then it is not newsworthy. My contempt has only grown in the 12 years since I graduated.
This week, Time Magazine proved once again that major media outlets cannot be trusted. I know very few people who have not yet seen (or at least heard about) the cover of this week's issue, which depicts a mother breastfeeding her three-year-old son while he stands on a small chair. I will say only this about the picture: My opinion is that this woman is extremely brave to agree to be the face that represents all long-term-breastfeeding mothers (of which, you already know, I am one), but also careless to allow her young son to participate in her very public mission. The End.
I cannot, however, contain my DISGUST with Time for the headline they chose: "ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH?" Forget the picture! With those four words, our "trusted journalists" provoke guilt, self-doubt, faulty confidence, and a whole slew of other confusing emotions in EVERY woman who sees that cover. Realistically, most people who see the cover will not read the article. Not that that really matters, because the headline tells us (in relation to the picture it is printed above), loud and clear, what we are supposed to think after we do read it: A mom who does not breastfeed for what our society considers to be a LOOOOOONG time should feel like a bad mom, and a mom who does have a prolonged breastfeeding relationship with her child should feel superior. What the article says does not matter, because the cover does the damage.
This headline's wording was chosen because it will catch people's eye and sell magazines, with no regard for the fact that they are fighting words. Headlines like this serve one purpose-- to make certain that the argument that there is one "right way" to parent continues. The so-called "Mommy Wars" are a self-fulfilling prophecy; an argument fueled by a media that NEEDS it to continue in the most militant, salacious way possible. If the writers and editors truly wanted to inspire a sincere discussion about different parenting philosophies, they would have chosen a different headline, because honest discourse on any contentious subject is impossible when the introduction to the discussion is hostile and alienating.
My favorite saying about parenting is that there is no such thing as normal (I like it so much, I put it permanently in the title of my blog). I feel passionately that once parents are appropriately educated and have had a chance to have all of their questions answered honestly, they need to be supported in ALL of their decisions, even if we would not make the same choices ourselves. I am well-educated on the subjects of pregnancy, childbirth and early-parenting, and I of course have my own opinions on the controversial topics (which seems to be just about everything these days); I advocate for evidence-based care for pregnant woman and new mothers and babies. The only issue I consider myself an activist for, however, is the issue of CHOICE in parenting, and the importance of encouragement. A well-supported mother is a confident mother, and a confident mother is a happier person.
Of all of the moms that I have known throughout my life, none have parented their children identically to each other (in fact, most moms of more than one child don't even parent their own children identically). And each and every one of them have been "mom enough." Unfortunately, NONE of them EVER felt like they were "mom enough." I believe the blame for the self-doubt that plagues today's mothers can be placed squarely on the shoulder of the media and their sensational, divisive methods for reporting on parenting trends and "statistics." The headline Time chose this week may have gotten them the publicity they wanted, but at what cost?
Shame on Time Magazine for implying, with a photo and four little words, that certain parenting choices are more valid than others. Shame on them for asserting that some faceless "experts" out there actually believe that a loving mother is not "mom enough" just because she prescribes to a contrasting parenting philosphy. And shame on them for adding credit to the idea that parenting in general, and mothering specifically, is a competition.