The first two years we lived in the Seattle area we spent calculating a way to move back to Portland. Alas, Bryce is a software engineer, and Seattle is the place to be, so we did our best to make a home here; our first step was buying a house when I was about six months pregnant with Sydney. My sister and some good friends moved here also, which improved our lives, but I knew that they wanted to move back to Portland, too, so I was still holding out hope that a miracle might occur. After Sydney was born, I was so fortunate to have my sister and newborn niece close-by, but I still spent many days alone in the house, in my PJ's, with a nursing baby just waiting for Bryce to get home. Finally, one day, I looked down at my corner of the couch (my "nursing nest") and saw a Homer-Simpson-like indentation where my rear-end had been sitting for almost five weeks straight, and I decided it was time to get out.
My chosen outing was to the Parent/Baby classes advertised at the hospital I delivered at (the hospital I now teach Childbirth classes at) because I felt I could arrive almost on time, it was free, and I could wear comfy clothes. That day changed my life in more ways than I ever could have imagined. In those classes, I found an environment where I was not only totally accepted, but I felt NORMAL, and that my baby was normal, too! Any first-time parent will tell you about the doubts and guilt that fill their minds in those first few weeks and months-- Is my baby healthy? Am I a good parent? Am I doing this or that "right"? Why does my baby have a rash all over her body? Why am I still bleeding? Why does sex still hurt? Why do I cry so much? Will I ever feel like myself again? Will I ever brush my teeth twice a day again? I could go on forever. All of these questions, and thousands more, were asked-- and answered in gentle, non-judgmental ways that empowered all of us Mommies (and a few Daddies along the way!). I had found a community full of all types of parents-- from devoted attachment parents to parents who had their baby cry-it-out, and everywhere in between. This community helped me not only survive the first year of Sydney's life, but enriched that year, and my life until now. I know that Bryce appreciated my new support-system as well.
That is just the cake-- the icing is that many of these women, and their kids, of course, are still in our lives. Babies that I watched roll around my living room at my old house are now playing Star Wars with Sydney, and their younger siblings are playing with Ivy and Isadora. We now feel our roots are firmly planted here, and we see no reason ever to leave. I did not really allow myself to begin the process of planting those roots until I found the Parent/Baby classes and made friends who could share my parenting journey with me. Our kids do not all still play together, and I do not expect the ones that continue to be friends now will necessarily be close forever. Their moms, though, are MY friends. We not only have common interests, but a shared history of being with each other through the most precious time in our lives-- the babyhood and early childhood of our children. These are the women I turn to when I need advice on just about anything, or a babysitter, or to borrow a ladder, a car or a pack-and-play, and when I just feel like talking. These are the women who, along with two other very close friends and my sisters, will be at graduation parties and weddings, saying "Remember when?..."
I cherish these friendships with the perspective of someone who has no one like that in her life, besides family. I moved a lot as a child, so the children and adults that I knew before we settled in Portland when I was 13 are long-gone. I have no adults in my life, other than my father, who "knew me when," and spent enough time with me as a young child or baby to be able to tell the funny stories about me that my friends will have about my kids. The idea that my kids will graduate with other kids they have known since early childhood, or even since they were babies, boggles my mind.
The importance of finding a community when you are new parents cannot be over-emphasized. Even those lucky enough to be surrounded by lots of family and old friends benefit from interacting with a group of people who are going through the exact same stage of life as you. If you can find a class led by an early parenting expert, that's even better! If your local hospital does not offer anything, please try these organizations: MOPS, Peps or Mommy-and-me. Many options are out there, you just need to look. Any amount of work you do to find a community to belong to will be worth it!
